How I came up with the plot for Romance Novel by PJ Jones

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It began the same way it ended – as a joke. I was in a health slump, feeling sorry for myself and not too inspired to actually write a ‘real’ novel, but the muse in me still demanded I write. After sharing my first scene with my husband and then my critique partners, they encouraged me to finish the book. Romance Novel actually wasn’t difficult to write – lucky me, I was born with a brain that was prewired for nonsense and stupidity.

Though the story doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, I knew I needed a goal, motivation and conflict.

The goal was simple. SMELLA ROSEPETAL, virgin romance heroine, must save her illegitimate and immaculately conceived son by marrying a millionaire who would finance the baby’s heart transplant.

SMELLA’S motivation was that she loved her baby, of course, even though she couldn’t seem to remember his name. But what mother couldn’t love a son who knew to cry only on cue and not interrupt a scene between Mommy and the other characters?

ROMANCE NOVEL has many conflicts. First, I had to introduce a villain, one who would add tension to the plot and hinder her quest. Enter FLABIO, a disgruntled and overweight cover model who decides to kill all romance heroines because the modeling industry has deemed him too fat for romance.

Add, DEADWARD, a wealthy, environmentally friendly vampire who is disgusted by the heroine’s smell, yet strangely attracted to her, and his scary family of environmental activist vampires, who only drink the blood of gas guzzlers and animals that aren’t cute (look out soccer moms and three-legged dogs!)

The final conflict is SMELLA’s childhood crush, SNAKE LONG, who though not rich enough to save SMELLA’S baby, is still desperately trying to win her heart.

Of course, SMELLA’S own short-sighted view of love and the world is a conflict in itself, but that will have to be resolved in another novel.

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*****

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*****

Smella Rosepetal must find a millionaire husband to finance her baby’s heart transplant. She flies home to her deputy father’s ranch in Pitchforks, Texas, where she falls in love with Deadward Forest, a wealthy environmentalist vampire. 

When a deranged murderer is on the loose in Pitchforks, killing romance heroines, Deadward assumes Smella would be safer without him. Smella turns to her childhood friend, Snake Long, for comfort. But Snake doesn’t have the money to save her baby, so Smella places herself in peril in a desperate hunt for a rich husband.

Time is running out for Smella’s baby, and she must escape the Australian Outback, then face down Flabio, an overweight and disgruntled, aspiring cover model, plus enraged vampire wives and their homosexual, vampire, cowboy husbands, a jealous were-gerbil, James Bond, a drunk rodeo clown and Smella’s strange boyfriend who wants to drain her blood, yet is repulsed by her smell.

***** 


PJ Jones began writing Romance Novel in the spring of 2009 when she was seriously ill, thinking that this book would be her last dying legacy for mankind. After you read this book, you will probably wonder if she was trying to seal her fate in hell. Who knows? But PJ Jones has conquered her illness and is much better now. But you probably don't care, as long as her writing is funny. PJ Jones is also an avid reader of real romance novels. So why does she poke fun of them? Consider it comic relief.